Time Can’t Be Bought

After graduating college in 2012, I spent the rest of the summer working a seasonal position at Six Flags. After that ended, I was unemployed for about six months. During that period, I would often just sit around the house fill out job applications and make phone calls when my depression wasn’t getting the best of me. One day when I was watching tv, and a commercial came on for a Black American exhibit at the History Museum in Forest Park and it caught my attention. After scrambling up enough gas money, I went during it’s last week of operation.

I was 23 then. I’m 32 now and the impact that day has had on my life I’m going to try my best to put into words.

As I walked through the exhibit, I really thought I would see the “usual” Black American arena of topics, social justice, racism, slavery etc. But I got something more tangible. There was a video being played and I sat down to watch it. At that time, I was the only one in the exhibit. It was 1pm on a weekday. The only thing I was remember from that video, is a middle-aged man looking directly into the camera and saying, “The greatest thing a black man can be, is a father.’”

Those words struck a part of me that didn’t fully become activated until my fiancé’ showed me the pregnancy' test she had just taken. I remember how I felt before I heard those words. I was an unemployed college graduate who couldn’t get a call back for an interview at McDonalds. I would look on Facebook and see friends and acquaintances already starting their careers and there I was eating a bacon and egg sandwich while watching ESPN in the basement I lived in with a middle aged married couple who pitied me. I was angry, sad and depressed, then I hear from a man who clearly didn’t know who he was speaking to, that I can be something, not just anything but something with purpose.

Being a father is everything to me. I’m finally at a point to where I feel like my life has meaning and purpose. It’s something that I for one, will never take for granted and it pains me to see the ones that do.

But that’s not why I’m writing this.

If there is anything this pandemic era that we are currently living in has taught me, it is a fundamental necessity that every person has a proper work/personal life balance. The past 4 jobs that I have had, I have resigned because my work/personal life balance was being challenged. Whether asking me to work a minimum of 12 hours a day or solely sticking me to a night shift schedule, I gladly gave those jobs a two week notice after seeing that my ACTUAL job in being a father, was asked to be sacrificed.

That, I will not do.

These jobs in today’s climate can have 8–9 hours of my day, the rest belong to my family. I will not sacrifice my duty as a father for a job that if I dropped off the face of the Earth would be seeking out my replacement within seconds. In my most recent job, the store manager thought it was okay to talk behind my back to another manager about me requesting off for holidays like Halloween, New Years Eve, Valentine’s Day, Mother’s & Father’s Day. Now why would I want those days off? When it was that same store manager who gave herself an entire week off for The Fourth of July. Who worked The Fourth of July and had to be late to my family’s gathering? Me. But when I want select days off, (that you might have to work to cover for me), it’s a problem. So no problem, I gave my two weeks notice and got hired for a job working 5am-2pm weekdays only, and now I know I’ll have those days off.

I had, (what some would call) a great job lined up. I told them I was only available in the morning, afternoon, and couldn’t work weekends but I’ll sacrifice Saturdays but not Sundays. I was told that was ok. Once I got to orientation, my schedule somehow got changed to 4pm- 12am, weekends included. I told them that wasn’t conducive for me, I got asked could I work 12am- 8am. I was about to consider it until the union representative asked me why I asked for the schedule change. I’m an honest man, so I said, “my daughter and my family”. The representative looked at me and “Well sometimes, you know, you got to maximize your time.”

I really wanted to laugh in their face. I don’t have to maximize anything.

You can keep that job.

One thing I’m not motivated by, is how much money I can make. I remember one of the last conversations I had with my former supervisor from Coke, where he asked me to work a minimum of 12 hours each day. He told me, “You know CJ, I just want to make sure everyone’s working as much a possible so their paychecks are really heavy, because I know my employees are happy when their making a lot of money.” Have you ever seen Superman Returns? Remember when Lex Luthor kidnapped Lois and her son and Lois said, “Superman will never…,” and Lex Luthor interrupted her and said, “WROOOONG!!,” That’s what I wanted to do.

Money comes and goes, just ask MC Hammer. I’m have no plans in being one of those dads who their kids rarely sees but buys them everything they want. Money and possessions are empty and fickle. If there is anything I learned from my dad growing up is that money can’t buy time. Not saying my dad didn’t have time for me but what I needed and truly wanted was that time with him. And that’s what my kids get and will continue to get from me.

I’ve you’ve read any of my past blogs you know I’ve been through a lot in my life to get to the point I am at now. I have learned that true happiness doesn’t come from what you do, but comes from a place of wholeness and peace within yourself. It’s a mindset.

I’m happy with the life that I have now and no amount of money will be able to distract me from my duty and purpose as a father and soon to be husband.

True happiness can’t be bought.